


Isn’t That Something

by shadowhive



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Date, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 15:57:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17226989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowhive/pseuds/shadowhive
Summary: Gerard often found himself lying awake and wondering why?





	Isn’t That Something

**Author's Note:**

  * For [emptyskies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/emptyskies/gifts).



> The start of this is rather personal as I channeled some of my own hurt from this year into this. I hope you like this accidental!

‘I’ve decided to call time on our relationship.’

It had been 8 months ago now and those words still haunted him. It had been eight months ago now since he’d received that message and it had come out of nowhere. Gerard had thought that things were fine with his boyfriend, everything seemed normal. 

And then March 21st he’d woke to that message and everything changed. It wasn’t even a text or an e-mail, but a twitter direct message. He couldn’t even respond to it, as Frank had blocked him on it. He tried to call, to e-mail, just to find out why but he hadn’t got anywhere. It was like Frank had just... gone.

He sighed, running his hands through his hair. Why did his mind always do this? Whenever he thought he’d started to move away from it his mind would insert thoughts of him. All the good times felt tainted now and everything came back to the question that haunted him. 

Why?

He groaned and closed his eyes, trying his best to block the thoughts out and get some sleep.

***

“You know what you need?” Gerard looked over at his younger brother Mikey, who had invited himself over again. He checked up on Gerard at least once a week to try and help take his mind off things. It helped, but only really while he was there. Once he was gone, the thoughts just came right back.

Gerard sigh, setting his paintbrush to one side. He’d decided to try working through his feelings with art, but it didn’t feel like it was going anywhere. He’d stopped when he got the message from Frank and had only just tried to start it again in September. He didn’t think his stuff was even half as good as it was, but it was... helping, even though most things were just in blues and purples and blacks. “What do you think I need Mikey?” He’d given him various suggestions over the months, some more successful than others. They’d been to gigs, did a Star Wars marathon, even went on a trip to the nearest zoo. None had a lasting impact though, except maybe Mikey’s suggestion to go back to working on art.

“Ok, now hear me out ok.” Gerard raised an eyebrow, uncertain where this was going. “There’s a guy I know. I think you’d get along great with him...”

“Seriously Mikey, I don’t want to date anyone now.” 

“Who said anything about a date?” Mikey replied, holding his hands up defensively and Gerard rolled his eyes. “Look, you’ve been holed up in here for 8 months. You don’t even leave this place unless I drag you out. I’m not suggesting you sleep with the guy, just meet him. I think he could use the company too.”

Gerard sighed softly. He was right, he hadn’t left the apartment without Mikey except to get a few things from the local store. Most things he just had delivered so he had the minimal human contact possible. “I’ll think about it.”

Mikey grinned as if he’d gained a victory and Gerard rolled his eyes.

***

It was two weeks later that Gerard decided to humour his brother and meet this guy. He was sure that the guy, Ray, was nice enough and all, but he was sure that it would just be a one off. They’d talk over coffee and then go their separate ways.

So here Gerard was, sat in the darkened corner of the local coffee shop, sipping some of his coffee as he waited for Mikey to bring his friend to him. Gerard was glad that this place didn’t have many Christmas decorations up, just a bit of tinsel and snowflakes stencilled on the windows. He was even more glad that they weren’t playing the Christmas songs. He was already sick of them.

“Ah I should have expected you to be here hiding away.” He looked up at the sound of Mikey’s voice, smiling thinly at him. “Ray’s just getting a drink, I’ll point him over to you. Be nice, I know you two will hit it off.”

Gerard rolled his eyes at him. “I am nice.”

Mikey smiled, stroking his arm reassuringly. “I’ll be at one of the other tables if either of you need me ok?”

Gerard nodded slightly and then Mikey was gone, going towards the counter. From where he sat he couldn’t get a clear look at it, so had no idea who this Ray looked like. He had no idea what to expect from him, all he knew was that he was nice and that he’d get along. 

Gerard sighed and took another drink from his coffee. He’d give him enough time until he finished his coffee off at least, that would hopefully get his brother off his back. “You’re Gerard right?” A soft voice asked which made him look up again.

There stood a man dressed in a black t-shirt and jeans, his dark brown hair hung in thick curls to his shoulders, some of it covering his face. He was, handsome in a way, with plump lips and a friendly smile, though he looked slightly nervous too. The reasons why were clear, just by looking at him. There were scars on the left side of his face, some hidden by the curls of his hair and he was missing his left arm. 

Gerard swallowed and met his gaze. “Yeah, I’m Gerard. You must be Ray right?”

Ray nodded, setting his cup down and offering his hand to shake. It was a firm handshake, and Gerard wasn’t sure he was surprised. “Yeah I am.” Ray sat down in the seat across from him. “I’m guessing from your expression that Mikey didn’t tell you about this.” He gestured with his right hand at the space where his arm should be.

“No, he didn’t.” Gerard replied with a slight smile, not realising he’d been so obviously surprised. “To be fair on him though he’d not told me much about you. He just said you were a good dude and thought we could get along.”

Ray chuckled, shaking his head slightly. “That sounds like Mikey alright. He said a little more about you to me though. I know you’re his brother.”

“Yeah, that’s right.” Gerard replied with a slight nod. “What else did he tell you?”

“Just that you’d had a bad break up.” Ray shrugged slightly, their eyes meeting again as he took a sip from his cup. “I’m sorry about that by the way.”

“Thanks.” Gerard replied, deciding to change the subject, not wanting to linger on it. “Why don’t you tell me about yourself?”

“Well, I’m Ray Toro and I’m 41.” He winced a little at saying his age, like he didn’t feel like he was that old. Gerard could relate to that. “I’ve lived in New Jersey all my life and I used to be in a band. I love sci-fi and people generally call me a geek.” He took a breath after taking another drink, setting his cup down. “But I bet you’re wondering about the arm right?”

Gerard blushed a little. Of course he was curious, but he didn’t want to outright ask about it. “It’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it...”

“No it’s ok.” Ray replied, taking another breath. “I was in a car accident last year. It was no one’s fault, I was just driving around a back road and there was ice and... but it was bad. My arm got trapped and by the time the paramedics arrived, they knew it couldn’t be saved.” He sighed softly, closing his eyes. “It’s taken a lot to get used to. And it’s depressing you know? Not being able to play guitar or game.” He shook his head as if to shake the thoughts from them. “But something like that, it shows who your true friends really are. And Mikey, he’s just been great. I’m not sure I could have made it through without him.”

“Yeah, I feel the same.” Gerard whispered, then looked at him. They’d both suffered a loss, but it was clear Ray’s was far worse. “I’m so sorry man. That just sounds awful. I’m glad it wasn’t worse.”

Ray smiled a little and nodded. “Yeah. Thanks.” He took another drink and when he set the cup back on the table he spoke again. “So what about you? Tell me about yourself.” Gerard sensed it was him trying to change the subject.

“Well, I’m Gerard Way, I’m 41 as well. I’ve lived here my most of my life too, though I did live in New York for awhile. I’m an artist, I mostly do concept art for comics though I’ve not done anything major recently.” He didn’t add ‘because I’ve been wallowing in misery’ to that. “Like you I’ve been called a geek too, and I very much embrace it.”

“Comics huh, that’s cool! Anything I’d know?” Ray smiled, looking generally curious. It was a nice smile, one which reached his eyes. Gerard liked it.

“Well I worked on Doom Patrol, I submitted a few concepts to Batman awhile back too but they haven’t used them yet. I have been working on my own one though.” Or he had. He hadn’t even looked at it in months.

“Oh wow, what’s it about? If you don’t mind me asking of course.” He asked and Gerard couldn’t help but smile too. He’d not shared his idea with anyone other than Mikey and Frank.

“Well, it’s a bit like a superhero story but more... dysfunctional.” He paused, thinking how best to describe it. “Basically it’s about this family of children, each with special powers, who were adopted and trained to be superheroes. The main story takes place when they’re fully grown though and shows how messed up such an environment can get.” He took a breath, shaking his head. “I’m probably not describing it very well.”

“No, it sounds interesting.” Ray had listened intently the whole time, looking interested the whole time. “I hope you finish it, I’d love to read it some time. Does it have a name?”

“Thanks, I’ll have to show it you sometime.” Gerard couldn’t help but smile, taking a drink from his coffee. It was almost empty already. “I was thinking The Umbrella Academy, for the name of the group and the series.”

“I like it.” Ray nodded, his curls bouncing slightly from the movement. It was cute, Gerard decided. “It sounds like you’re pretty creative to come up with all that. I don’t think I could come up with anything like that.”

“Well everyone has some kind of creativity. You played guitar, that’s something I don’t think  
I could do.” Gerard caught himself quickly, remembering his arm. “I didn’t mean to...”

“It’s ok.” Ray reached over the table, touching his arm gently. “I get what you mean though.”

Gerard smiled, glad he hadn’t offended him or anything. He liked a Ray already and he didn’t want to mess it up. He finished his coffee, swallowing it down. “I need to get a fresh cup, do you want something?”

“I’ll have another hot chocolate, thanks. But please, no winter spices I can’t stand the stuff.” He made a face of disgust which made Gerard smile again.

“Me either.” Gerard nodded before, heading off to the counter. He spotted Mikey a seat by the window, looking pleased with himself.

***

Conversation flowed easily between them. They talked about a lot of things. Music and films, what their plans were for Christmas and New Year, how they wished it didn’t feel right that there wasn’t a new Star Wars to see now after the last three. Mikey was right, he was good company. 

“It’s getting late.” Ray said with a sigh, as he finished the last of his hot chocolate, his third cup. 

“Yeah.” Gerard replied, his own cup sitting empty on the table between them. “It’s been nice though, getting to know you. I’d like to do this again sometime.”

“Yeah.” Ray smiled, their eyes meeting again. He looked a little nervous now, like he had when they first met. “We could go see a film or something. The new Aquaman looks pretty good.”

Gerard usually saw such films with Mikey, but he was sure he wouldn’t mind, just this once, if he went with someone else. “Yeah, I’d like that.” He nodded slightly, loving the sight of Ray as he grinned. It was even more beautiful than his smile and it was infectious. “So how about we meet here on Friday, then we could get a drink first.”

“I’d like that. Friday. Does 6 sound good to you?”

“That sounds great.” Gerard smiled, nodding again. Ray’s grin hadn’t left his face.

“Great! I’ll see you then!” Ray rose from his seat and Gerard did the same, not wanting to stay here without him.

“Ray wait, before you go.” Ray looked at him curiously and Gerard leaned in, kissing him. It was just a gentle kiss, just two sets of lips meeting, but he didn’t want him to go without one. “I... hope that was ok.” Gerard whispered softly, when he pulled back, looking into his eyes. 

“Yeah, that was... better than ok.” Ray took a breath, as if to steady himself. When he was done he was smiling, that smile that lit up his face and reached his eyes. “I hope you’ll kiss me again Friday.”

“Oh I will. Don’t you worry about that.” Ray smiled at Gerard’s words, leaning in to give him a quick kiss of his own. In that moment, Gerard was glad he’d took his advice.

***

Gerard was humming to himself when Mikey called him later that night. He’d fished out his Umbrella Academy stuff, laying it all out on the the desk that he used for his art. Just talking about it with Ray made him want to work on it again and he knew he’d give it a look over in the morning.

“So.” Mikey said when he answered the phone. “How did it go?”

“I like him Mikey. You were right, he’s so easy to talk to and he’s so nice.” He took a breath before continuing. “We’re gonna go out Friday, to see Aquaman. I hope that’s ok.”

“Dude! That’s great! I knew you two would hit it off.” He could practically hear the grin in Mikey’s voice. “Don’t worry about seeing it without me, I’m just glad that you’re getting out there again.”

“That’s not all.” Gerard smiled at his brother’s eagerness. He may as well tell him everything, he was sure to talk to Ray about it too soon enough. “We kissed.”

“That’s amazing! Oh Gee, I’m so happy for you. For you both. You let me know how it goes ok?”

“Yeah I will.” Gerard smiled, a part of him wishing it was Friday already. There was only a few more nights between now and then though, so it wasn’t as if it was too far away. He was looking forward to being in Ray’s company again. He’d not felt this happy in, well he wasn’t sure how long. “And Mikey... Thanks.”

***

For the first time in a long time Gerard wasn’t haunted by those last words from Frank, or the lingering question of why. Instead he fell asleep thinking of Ray, of how it felt to kiss him and of how his arm would feel wrapped around him.


End file.
